Today is my 35th birthday, and I'm obsessed with age, which is a topic that has become just so cliche'd and boring. As I continue to live in and try to grow into what I believe to this chapter of adulthood, I look at the road behind me and ahead of me. And I think I've seen a lot, done a lot and have had a lot of fun. Friday night was a testament to the path that I have been on, but is it where I am going? I threw a party at Jumbo's Clown Room in Hollywood- because you can't pay me to throw a party at some bourgieos restaurant on the Sunset strip or trendy bar anywhere else in LA for that matter and I've tried that before, and realized it's not me, and when you do something that is not really yourself then it's not fun, but tense and tedious. So I did something that was representative of me - and lots of people showed up- from good Christian girls that I met in grad school to lesbians, from rock stars, tattooed strippers and bar hags, to corporate climbers. I love people of all sorts, am a student of human nature and human relationships and therefor am friends with all kinds of people and everyone, and I love to have fun. AND we did. We had fun. The party moved from point A Jumbo's to point B the 4100 Bar and finally to an my high school pal's house in Sliverlake. But, the night had to end for me, although many were still going strong when I left -what was kinda still- my own party. I made it home by 4am, tucked myself in just in time to NOT watch the sun come up. Waking up to watch the sun come up is nice (read- like the time in 2005 we got up at 3:30 am in Darjeeling India to make the pilgrimage to Tiger Hill to watch the sun come up over Mt. Everest- now that was nice...), BUT staying up all night partying to see it come up is fun in your teens, and 20's but in your mid-30's not so glamorous, and becomes tense and tedious too. I still go out, sometimes a lot but then often wonder why and come home swearing it off because I ended up at some trendy Hollywood bar with snobby people who have their priorities all mixed up. I still party and when I end up with cool friends like I did Friday night I'm ok. I still throw down with the best of them, SOMETIMEs. But mostly it just takes too long to recover.
As I look down the path, still sorta recovering from Friday night- um,it's Sunday and my back hurts and I know my age is really just an impending snail that sometimes goes faster than I want it to, but still I rejoice rejoice in where I've been, and wonder where I am going. As much fun as it was, I am so bored and tired with the dirty shady often shallow & limited drinking drugging night life lifestyle, and don't enjoy it so much anymore. Especially in the morning. It's fun for a birthday, but it's so kind of far removed from who I am the rest of the weeks. I still party, like I said, but those days are few and far between. Sometimes weeks go by before I have another drink. And months between such late nighters. For the last two years, midnight has been my shut off time. Midnight is the time I need to get home if I still wanna enjoy my day tomorrow, or go to work, and still if I've had a drink or two I feel tired, pooped and less than 100%.
SO how do the 35 and over have fun? It's a question I have been asking myself for the last 2.5 years, confused, because I don't know much else. Out to dinner has become a staple, hiking, picnics, museums, and of course work, as we get older work actually becomes enjoyable- feeling accomplished at the end of the day is a good feeling that does not involve late nights and alcohol. But, when do we stop going out? Never? We just stop going all night rave-style parties, or arena style rock shows and go to art openings, and more intimate events. But often sifting through the invitations is hard because the 23 year-old in me still thinks I gotta go to every social event or else I am missing out (remember I live in LA and there is always something going on, something to do). But I don't end up going to 90% of the things I get invited to, because at the end of the day I still wanna have time for myself, get some rest, and accomplish my own personal things. Is that selfish? It just seems that as you get older friends become less and important. I guess that scares me.
And there are so many things that scare me about getting older. There are people I know in my age bracket, who are married with children who have lost contact with the working world, moved out to the suburbs, got a picket fence which is not for me. I have friends who had to abandon the state altogether to get clean and sober, buy a house, and live under a blanket of conservatism in the countryside. A little extreme. And on the other spectrum I have friends that, still go out and drink a lot, do drugs and stay out all night still, watch the sun come up on a regular basis. And as I mentioned that tires me out. These things are not for me. So what is it that I want? This has been the question for the last few years.
Children? Maybe. I would love a house but it has to be in the city limits, read: NO PICKET FENCE, but that's such an expensive lifestyle, it's going to be years. And travel? Yes, ideally WORK related, such that it allows me to live in another country- read:India or I'll take anywhere in Asia- part time, and allows me to spend time with my family both here and overseas. And culture, art, and beauty: this means going to museums, watching independent films, reading, writing, playing the guitar. WORK. WORK. and WORK.
These are the things I want. And going to bars to party all night doesn't fit in so much anymore, but neither does it mean that I have to be a homebody having a picket fence and having no life, if that's not what I want. And I realize everyone's idea of getting older will be different. And the irony is that we're supposedly NOTG finding ourself anymore, at this point we're supposed to be in full swing the person we are going to be. But that is such bullshit. We are still figuring so much stuff out. Everything we learned in our 20's gets thrown out the window, because all the rules change, our bodies change, our desires change. That was my revelation Friday night at 4AM, when I just wanted my bed. Which I said aloud to my friends, and it just sounded so cliche'd and weird.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Fashion VS Style
You are born with style. Fashion is trends and name brands. And you can look hot WITHOUT spending a lot of money. Does everyone know this? Out of necesisity in my 20's I had to bargain hunt for hot looks, discount basements and thrifts stores were were I spent most of my free shopping time. The deal winner: Individual style, I knew that what I was buying was off the rack, and therefor far less likely that someone would own the same thing. It has now become a way of life for me.
It's a rhetorical question. Because I know people who are broke, who dress sloppily because they "can't afford it" supposedly, and/or on the other spectrum, or maybe it's the other side of the same coin I also know "name brand whores" who well, will buy something off the rack, ready to wear, at an overprice, because they can, or even if they can't afford it, because they do not have time to spend on themselves nor creativity to dress themselves. BUT, I know broke people, (and I know a lot of 'em!) that could care less about name brands, know their style, know their body and always look HOT without being trendy, and name-branded. AND, the best part is these peeps would never even think of buying a $600 chanel bag even if they had the money. THAT IS WHAT STYLE IS ABOUT. But, now-a-days I admit I do it too, once in a while. I like designer jeans, because they fit me better than a cheap pair, and becaus I love denim, and like jeans I can fall asleep in...., or I buy nice name brand sexy bras (which is a complete other topic,) because a well fitted bra can make a huge difference (and no Victoria Secret is not a name brand, they are a conglomerate consumer marketed for fancy footed and fickle teenagers, because they look cute, but don't really do anything for the figure, and fall apart all too soon. If you're interested I can tell you more, some great name brand lingerie is Felina, and Natori.) So for me it's beautiful sexy bras and tough rugged jeans. BUT, if you can't afford it then don't sweat it, I say. Developing your style is an art, (think of yourself as a pallette) and bargain hunting is often a time consuming skill, but it an be done cheap and easy. You have to decide. An hour, maybe on your lunch break, a couple times a month, honing thrift stores is a lot cheaper that lunching at Barneys after buying ONE $400 blouse that you took off a rack where 5 other EXACT replicas of the same blouse remained on the rack for others to buy. $400- and you run the risk of other people owning it. Think personal style- not something you can buy off a rack. But you need to spend some time on it, on yourself, because after all it's YOUR LOOK, your persona, your characther, your art project, and often your first impression and more. And once you get good at it, it becomes FAST and low maintenece. READ: NEO-Nazi Feminists who cannot be bothered with make-up and/or clothes, who believe that clothes are for the male world- there is the low maintenence side to style, but it's an art. CREATIVITY is the soul of life. ARE YOU READY TO EMBRACE IT?
1) Know your body type- are you short? tall? thin? stocky? Find the styles that accentuate your positive aspects and that you like. Wearing something because it accentuates your height, but is not your style will make you look and feel uncomfortable. And wearing something that you love on the hanger, or that everyone else is wearing, but that doesn't fit your body type will also make you feel uncomfortable. And be realistic, if you've put on weight, don't be shy about buying a larger size, a better fit will make you look and feel better. Weight is arbitrary. Think about the sexy pin up girls, voluptuos, sexy, and full & happy.
2) Have a specific style- THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. Because if you don't have a keynote style then you will fall prey to trends. Having a style means you will find pieces, some pieces every season, but not an entirely new wardrobe where old pieces don't match your look anymore (i.e "that is so last season" is a pretentious saying that only the designer whores follow, but remember that the actual designers always stick to their keynote style, "last season" only applies to people who follow fashion trends not the ones who create them.) For example, are you a jeans and t-shirts kind of girl (yes, like me), but you love jackets, scarves and boots? You can dress up your outfit with a denim skirt and jacket with boots for going out, or dress it down with jeans. The accessories must be specific to you too, tights or something if your more edgy, the style of boot, etc.. Or are you a dress kinda girl? floral prints, strappy sandals? or are you a low cut, cleavage shower? figure out what it is that you love on yourself and play it up. Specific style is a combination of what you like and what looks good on you with your own taste and touch added in. It will only evolve with time, and get updated as trends change but your personal style will never change.
3) Love it, Live it, Own it- If you think it looks good on you, it does. When you look good but don't feel 100% confident, others know it and thats when the haters, the jealousy, the meanness and the cattyness come out in others. But if you look good and feel confident you will fend off the haters and be a trend-setter. People may even copy you.
4)Spend some time on yourself. Spend an evening alone at home once a month when you try on different outfits, different looks. Think of what you wear as an ART. CREATIVITY.
When you have your style figured out, the rest falls into place. And maybe keeping up with the trends is your style (but how is that individual? I don't know) and if you can afford it, fine, but if it's not in your budget, just remember it does not have to be trendy to be fashionable, nor in fashion to be stylish. And just because everyone else is wearing it, doesn't mean it will be right for you. Personal style goes a much longer way and won't break the bank. EVER. Also, beware of trends and fashion, and name brands, besides breaking the bank and going out of style, they may suck your soul of any creativity and individuality you have.
It's a rhetorical question. Because I know people who are broke, who dress sloppily because they "can't afford it" supposedly, and/or on the other spectrum, or maybe it's the other side of the same coin I also know "name brand whores" who well, will buy something off the rack, ready to wear, at an overprice, because they can, or even if they can't afford it, because they do not have time to spend on themselves nor creativity to dress themselves. BUT, I know broke people, (and I know a lot of 'em!) that could care less about name brands, know their style, know their body and always look HOT without being trendy, and name-branded. AND, the best part is these peeps would never even think of buying a $600 chanel bag even if they had the money. THAT IS WHAT STYLE IS ABOUT. But, now-a-days I admit I do it too, once in a while. I like designer jeans, because they fit me better than a cheap pair, and becaus I love denim, and like jeans I can fall asleep in...., or I buy nice name brand sexy bras (which is a complete other topic,) because a well fitted bra can make a huge difference (and no Victoria Secret is not a name brand, they are a conglomerate consumer marketed for fancy footed and fickle teenagers, because they look cute, but don't really do anything for the figure, and fall apart all too soon. If you're interested I can tell you more, some great name brand lingerie is Felina, and Natori.) So for me it's beautiful sexy bras and tough rugged jeans. BUT, if you can't afford it then don't sweat it, I say. Developing your style is an art, (think of yourself as a pallette) and bargain hunting is often a time consuming skill, but it an be done cheap and easy. You have to decide. An hour, maybe on your lunch break, a couple times a month, honing thrift stores is a lot cheaper that lunching at Barneys after buying ONE $400 blouse that you took off a rack where 5 other EXACT replicas of the same blouse remained on the rack for others to buy. $400- and you run the risk of other people owning it. Think personal style- not something you can buy off a rack. But you need to spend some time on it, on yourself, because after all it's YOUR LOOK, your persona, your characther, your art project, and often your first impression and more. And once you get good at it, it becomes FAST and low maintenece. READ: NEO-Nazi Feminists who cannot be bothered with make-up and/or clothes, who believe that clothes are for the male world- there is the low maintenence side to style, but it's an art. CREATIVITY is the soul of life. ARE YOU READY TO EMBRACE IT?
1) Know your body type- are you short? tall? thin? stocky? Find the styles that accentuate your positive aspects and that you like. Wearing something because it accentuates your height, but is not your style will make you look and feel uncomfortable. And wearing something that you love on the hanger, or that everyone else is wearing, but that doesn't fit your body type will also make you feel uncomfortable. And be realistic, if you've put on weight, don't be shy about buying a larger size, a better fit will make you look and feel better. Weight is arbitrary. Think about the sexy pin up girls, voluptuos, sexy, and full & happy.
2) Have a specific style- THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. Because if you don't have a keynote style then you will fall prey to trends. Having a style means you will find pieces, some pieces every season, but not an entirely new wardrobe where old pieces don't match your look anymore (i.e "that is so last season" is a pretentious saying that only the designer whores follow, but remember that the actual designers always stick to their keynote style, "last season" only applies to people who follow fashion trends not the ones who create them.) For example, are you a jeans and t-shirts kind of girl (yes, like me), but you love jackets, scarves and boots? You can dress up your outfit with a denim skirt and jacket with boots for going out, or dress it down with jeans. The accessories must be specific to you too, tights or something if your more edgy, the style of boot, etc.. Or are you a dress kinda girl? floral prints, strappy sandals? or are you a low cut, cleavage shower? figure out what it is that you love on yourself and play it up. Specific style is a combination of what you like and what looks good on you with your own taste and touch added in. It will only evolve with time, and get updated as trends change but your personal style will never change.
3) Love it, Live it, Own it- If you think it looks good on you, it does. When you look good but don't feel 100% confident, others know it and thats when the haters, the jealousy, the meanness and the cattyness come out in others. But if you look good and feel confident you will fend off the haters and be a trend-setter. People may even copy you.
4)Spend some time on yourself. Spend an evening alone at home once a month when you try on different outfits, different looks. Think of what you wear as an ART. CREATIVITY.
When you have your style figured out, the rest falls into place. And maybe keeping up with the trends is your style (but how is that individual? I don't know) and if you can afford it, fine, but if it's not in your budget, just remember it does not have to be trendy to be fashionable, nor in fashion to be stylish. And just because everyone else is wearing it, doesn't mean it will be right for you. Personal style goes a much longer way and won't break the bank. EVER. Also, beware of trends and fashion, and name brands, besides breaking the bank and going out of style, they may suck your soul of any creativity and individuality you have.
Sunday, April 8, 2007
India-The Motherland
About a year ago I read in Time magazine that East Indian's are a successful minority because of the way they intersperse and intermingle with Western society. Indian's are scattered everywhere, and like many other cultures in the Western world don't necessarily feel the need to glom on to their own kind. Many people take this to mean that Indian's are disconnected from their roots.
Most Indian's in the Western world are actually very connected to their roots and often like most minorities do have a difficult time accepting Western culture. This difficulty can either 1) lead to the point where they have to disown their culture a lot, and fit in to the Western standard a lot before letting go and finding a more peaceful middle ground or 2) Exist as very Un-American. Most immigrants and minorities from other countries will find this is true. And, yes they even have technical names for these like Assimilation and Acculturation, (right now I forget which is which) to describe different levels of "fitting in" with Western society.
So, why do East Indians tend to be so interspersed? Now-a-days there might be a token Indian at the workplace, in your school, or in certain fields there may be even more. There are way more Indian's over here than when I was growing up in the 70's and 80's. I think often because of the higher levels of education in subjects like Engineering (Math) and Medicine coupled with the long distance- New Delhi is the halfway point around the world to San Francisco and considering it's the 2nd most populated country in the world there is a considerably low presence here in the states- Indians are forced to stand on their own and to be independent. Indian's are an independent people, highly educated and often leaving their families behind in India in search of jobs. But because of the distance and the strong Indian roots the rest of the family will never make the trip over here. They have no desire. Because contrary to what most American's think, life is actually very difficult here, lonely and very different. But for years there have been no jobs in India, highly educated people with no work, sitting around twiddling their thumbs, listening to the noise in the streets, inhaling diesel pollution, in a country overrun by poverty. America and Europe have had an open door policy for Indians who want to come and work, make western wages in dollars or pounds, and make a different life for themselves. The difference is that most Indians don't see this as a better life. Why leave the beautiful Motherland to live in a country where your family and culture will be forgotten? Most Indians choose not to.
The ones that do come over here, if they're lucky, go home eventually.
Most Indian's in the Western world are actually very connected to their roots and often like most minorities do have a difficult time accepting Western culture. This difficulty can either 1) lead to the point where they have to disown their culture a lot, and fit in to the Western standard a lot before letting go and finding a more peaceful middle ground or 2) Exist as very Un-American. Most immigrants and minorities from other countries will find this is true. And, yes they even have technical names for these like Assimilation and Acculturation, (right now I forget which is which) to describe different levels of "fitting in" with Western society.
So, why do East Indians tend to be so interspersed? Now-a-days there might be a token Indian at the workplace, in your school, or in certain fields there may be even more. There are way more Indian's over here than when I was growing up in the 70's and 80's. I think often because of the higher levels of education in subjects like Engineering (Math) and Medicine coupled with the long distance- New Delhi is the halfway point around the world to San Francisco and considering it's the 2nd most populated country in the world there is a considerably low presence here in the states- Indians are forced to stand on their own and to be independent. Indian's are an independent people, highly educated and often leaving their families behind in India in search of jobs. But because of the distance and the strong Indian roots the rest of the family will never make the trip over here. They have no desire. Because contrary to what most American's think, life is actually very difficult here, lonely and very different. But for years there have been no jobs in India, highly educated people with no work, sitting around twiddling their thumbs, listening to the noise in the streets, inhaling diesel pollution, in a country overrun by poverty. America and Europe have had an open door policy for Indians who want to come and work, make western wages in dollars or pounds, and make a different life for themselves. The difference is that most Indians don't see this as a better life. Why leave the beautiful Motherland to live in a country where your family and culture will be forgotten? Most Indians choose not to.
The ones that do come over here, if they're lucky, go home eventually.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
New Tirade: THE BURBS.......
Can I just say I hate the BURBS? For my day job I have to drive all over Los Angeles county, including the San Gabriel Valley. CAN YOU SAY COOKIE CUTTER? SAY IT LOUD TWENTY MILLION TIMES. Ok, this kind of goes back to the previous tirade about religion. The people out here are so very different from the world in which I live (read: West Hollywood, exactly one block from where the transvestite prostitutes sell their platforms for crack, and two blocks from Marc Jacobs). It's so diverse (where I live) the pendulum swinging from one extreme to the next in seconds, not to mention there is life, activity, color. Not in San Dimas, made popular by the infamous Beavis and Butthead, (read: BUTTHEAD). We could be in the middle of America, no one would ever be the wiser. Who would guess we are only 40 miles from Los Angeles. The San Gabriel Valley is the Bible Belt of Los Angeles.
What do I dislike about it? Well as I drove out here from Watts, CA- read: South Central Los Angeles, first off it took me 1 hour and 15 minutes, why? Because of traffic. CAN YOU SAY SHEEP? SAY IT LOUD. I did. I yelled it for the last 20 minutes of my torturous drive on the 605 north as I headed East on the 210 towards San Bernardino. Everyone lives out here. I mean, EVERYONE, but NO ONE I know. What are these people like? What do these people do? (read: what are these people wearing?) Well, they have day jobs, and families, and they go to church, and they take a two week vacation each year, probably to Minnesota or Virginia, and they eat steak 4 nights a week, and drink 2% milk, they take their kids to Starbucks for a venti double double chocolate something which is as healthy as sunbathing on your roof and has so much caffeine in it for their already overfed children who are going to stop for Kentucky Fried Chicken on the way home anyway, well maybe they'll burn it off. And hopefully next year they'll get that upgrade at work, so they can get that upgrade on their wide screen television, and give this one to the rec room for the boys to enjoy football every Sunday. It's not that it's a bad life- the quality of life is easier, laid back, and status quo- but that's just it, status quo, it's middle of the road, it's middle of America and the desire to do anything outside of the box is muted, the desire to seek knowledge about life outside is muted. It's like the whole area is under a blanket, nice, safe and sheltered. My problem with this Stepford wife mentality is that it's bull-shit, full of secrets, lies and taboos, and its a breeding ground for Hate, for discrimination, sexism, racism, and genderism, languageism, to name a few and only somewhat better than the ignorance and violence found in our country's ghetto, poverty-stricken streets where gang violence and drugs reign, which are this way because of lack of resources, read: money and education. In the burbs money and education are two things that are readily available, but totally not taken advantage of, instead they are used to brainwash, mold and produce robotic androids that strive for the minimal knowledge, and maximum material goods, bigger house, bigger car, bigger TV, which is all offset because they will go to church on Sunday and wash their sins away. I understand the need for Church in our poor neighborhoods, but in the burbs, its just an attestation to people's fear of truly being who they are. And it's the kids I feel bad for, growing up in a shiny, clean, manicured world where no one exercises personal taste, and difference is frowned upon. So, what is going to happen to them when they get older? Life will slap them in the face, if it isn't already doing so now. With such a narrow, restricted and limited view of the world being spoon fed to them they are striving to be something that is not realistic for everyone. SHEEP. Can you say SHEEP? Everything seems nice, peaceful, so nice. But, I am missing culture, color, style, art, and individuality. MUTED. People are muted. People's thoughts are muted. And I am on my way to treat a family that lives here. If only I could really help them. But I won't be able to do much to change the inherent "If I buy those jeans, I could look like Kate Moss" (read: Lily Allen) attitude. And in two hours, I will be on my way back to the urban glory of Los Angeles, lights, people, bad credit, poverty, gunfire, my favorite donuts/Korean pizza shop at the corner of graffiti and pimps & ho's, and the Hebrew music wafting threw the courtyard of the building in which my small one-bedroom apartment sits, smack in the middle of chaos, next door to the old theatre that plays Queer movies year round. And to me that is peaceful. Thank you very much. Being given the space to think and do as I feel is natural. Thank you. peace-out.
What do I dislike about it? Well as I drove out here from Watts, CA- read: South Central Los Angeles, first off it took me 1 hour and 15 minutes, why? Because of traffic. CAN YOU SAY SHEEP? SAY IT LOUD. I did. I yelled it for the last 20 minutes of my torturous drive on the 605 north as I headed East on the 210 towards San Bernardino. Everyone lives out here. I mean, EVERYONE, but NO ONE I know. What are these people like? What do these people do? (read: what are these people wearing?) Well, they have day jobs, and families, and they go to church, and they take a two week vacation each year, probably to Minnesota or Virginia, and they eat steak 4 nights a week, and drink 2% milk, they take their kids to Starbucks for a venti double double chocolate something which is as healthy as sunbathing on your roof and has so much caffeine in it for their already overfed children who are going to stop for Kentucky Fried Chicken on the way home anyway, well maybe they'll burn it off. And hopefully next year they'll get that upgrade at work, so they can get that upgrade on their wide screen television, and give this one to the rec room for the boys to enjoy football every Sunday. It's not that it's a bad life- the quality of life is easier, laid back, and status quo- but that's just it, status quo, it's middle of the road, it's middle of America and the desire to do anything outside of the box is muted, the desire to seek knowledge about life outside is muted. It's like the whole area is under a blanket, nice, safe and sheltered. My problem with this Stepford wife mentality is that it's bull-shit, full of secrets, lies and taboos, and its a breeding ground for Hate, for discrimination, sexism, racism, and genderism, languageism, to name a few and only somewhat better than the ignorance and violence found in our country's ghetto, poverty-stricken streets where gang violence and drugs reign, which are this way because of lack of resources, read: money and education. In the burbs money and education are two things that are readily available, but totally not taken advantage of, instead they are used to brainwash, mold and produce robotic androids that strive for the minimal knowledge, and maximum material goods, bigger house, bigger car, bigger TV, which is all offset because they will go to church on Sunday and wash their sins away. I understand the need for Church in our poor neighborhoods, but in the burbs, its just an attestation to people's fear of truly being who they are. And it's the kids I feel bad for, growing up in a shiny, clean, manicured world where no one exercises personal taste, and difference is frowned upon. So, what is going to happen to them when they get older? Life will slap them in the face, if it isn't already doing so now. With such a narrow, restricted and limited view of the world being spoon fed to them they are striving to be something that is not realistic for everyone. SHEEP. Can you say SHEEP? Everything seems nice, peaceful, so nice. But, I am missing culture, color, style, art, and individuality. MUTED. People are muted. People's thoughts are muted. And I am on my way to treat a family that lives here. If only I could really help them. But I won't be able to do much to change the inherent "If I buy those jeans, I could look like Kate Moss" (read: Lily Allen) attitude. And in two hours, I will be on my way back to the urban glory of Los Angeles, lights, people, bad credit, poverty, gunfire, my favorite donuts/Korean pizza shop at the corner of graffiti and pimps & ho's, and the Hebrew music wafting threw the courtyard of the building in which my small one-bedroom apartment sits, smack in the middle of chaos, next door to the old theatre that plays Queer movies year round. And to me that is peaceful. Thank you very much. Being given the space to think and do as I feel is natural. Thank you. peace-out.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
the price of religion
i know too many people who were raised by the beatings of some religion. just shut up and observe, i keep telling myself. but, i cannot get over the blind faith. i'm a lot ignorant though, because I know nothing about Jesus, Mohammed, or the Messiahs. My family is Hindu, and though they are rather religious, it was never forced upon us. I'm a sorry Hindu. But much of Hinduism is based on mythology. Not real persons. Well, the mythical characters were based on real entities at some point I guess. But i still cannot get over the blind faith- particularly in the area of shunning human sexuality. why is sex and sexuality seen as taboo? something only to be done within the sacrament of marriage or a committed relationship. It's 2007 and I think we should be so far ahead in the future, we live on the west coast right? but I still have girlfriends who call themselves sluts because they fulfill their sexual desires with people they know they'd never spend the rest of their lives with. or sleep with bras on at night for fear of them sagging in old age. come on ladies. it is not 1950, or so i thought. Let your sex free. Let your boobs free. I gotta go to work now. I'll continue this tirade later.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
the path
I don't even try to argue anymore when I hear shallow (by shallow I mean it's usually vain, arrogant, meaningless) statements people make about themselves that are either 1) fishing for compliments or 2) meant to put other people down by making themselves look better, where I would once listen and try to understand their words, address their passive aggression by responding, once in a while counteract with something rude, or brush it under the rug. Now, I look at the person and I think to myself "No way are we going down this path again." I don't respond and I leave that person alone. Possibly for good. I don't want that energy in my life anymore. Los Angeles. California. Any big city in America. It won't change when I am in SF, or NYC. People wanna know people, appear cool, perhaps they are searching for thier identity, I am not sure, what I do know is that people are so disconnected from what is important, and so blind-sided by the american dream whether it be the idealized lifestyle of fame (yes rockstardom is included here) or image (um...being thin, or tattooed or pierced because it's cool and supposedly sets you apart not because it's representative of them though really) or status (owning property, having the nice car, basically being rich) that people forget who they themselves truly are, and what they stand for.
Veganism- Here is an example of something I am doing because of my political beliefs, and yes, people think I am doing it because of my health, because I am trying to lose weight or something. No honey, in India we are brought up to be kind to animals. What our country is doing to turn a profit: the meat industry is really disgusting. It's a hard road for me esp because I love leather boots & leather jackets. Not because I like meat, in fact I rarely eat pork, or beef. Chicken is the one thing I do eat, and I can substitute it with beans, and tofu. Still its hard. I already avoid cheese and eggs. Still its hard and it really gets frustrating when people tell me, "beans don't really have a lot of protein," or "i love meat, what would I do without meat?" Seriously? I am disgusted by the meat industry and your loving meat is disgusting to me, not to mention protein? Seriously? Protein can be gleaned from leafy veggies. get a clue.
Kundalini Yoga-I like to meditate. It helps me stay in touch with my values, and beliefs. Once again people think I do it for weight loss or something. Please don't compare kundalini to your kick boxing class. Quite a different phenomenon. There is nothing aerobic about Yoga (unless you do Bikram) and America is so obsessed with weight loss that they forget that being in a comfortable happy mental place cures most ailments including over-eating.
Maybe its my age. I'll be 35 in a month. At 26 I was wild, I was a transient, moving around, getting high, I made no money, I played in a reggae band, and I was traveling aound Egypt. The 26 year olds I know are career driven. It's a very different place I am at now watching what is very traditional to me. So, when I get advice from these traditional minded people, who by the way remind me of my mother and have no idea about my experience nor the bravado to live that life, who on top of reminding me of my mother are almost ten years younger than me, I feel irked and resentful. And tired. I am tired of educating, placating people's arrogance and fighting all the time for what I believe to be true and real, so sometimes it's just easier to shut up and walk away.
Veganism- Here is an example of something I am doing because of my political beliefs, and yes, people think I am doing it because of my health, because I am trying to lose weight or something. No honey, in India we are brought up to be kind to animals. What our country is doing to turn a profit: the meat industry is really disgusting. It's a hard road for me esp because I love leather boots & leather jackets. Not because I like meat, in fact I rarely eat pork, or beef. Chicken is the one thing I do eat, and I can substitute it with beans, and tofu. Still its hard. I already avoid cheese and eggs. Still its hard and it really gets frustrating when people tell me, "beans don't really have a lot of protein," or "i love meat, what would I do without meat?" Seriously? I am disgusted by the meat industry and your loving meat is disgusting to me, not to mention protein? Seriously? Protein can be gleaned from leafy veggies. get a clue.
Kundalini Yoga-I like to meditate. It helps me stay in touch with my values, and beliefs. Once again people think I do it for weight loss or something. Please don't compare kundalini to your kick boxing class. Quite a different phenomenon. There is nothing aerobic about Yoga (unless you do Bikram) and America is so obsessed with weight loss that they forget that being in a comfortable happy mental place cures most ailments including over-eating.
Maybe its my age. I'll be 35 in a month. At 26 I was wild, I was a transient, moving around, getting high, I made no money, I played in a reggae band, and I was traveling aound Egypt. The 26 year olds I know are career driven. It's a very different place I am at now watching what is very traditional to me. So, when I get advice from these traditional minded people, who by the way remind me of my mother and have no idea about my experience nor the bravado to live that life, who on top of reminding me of my mother are almost ten years younger than me, I feel irked and resentful. And tired. I am tired of educating, placating people's arrogance and fighting all the time for what I believe to be true and real, so sometimes it's just easier to shut up and walk away.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Trannie Faux Pais
Ok, I am about to admit a little ignorant statement I made the other day. Then, I will defend my reasons, but all the while acknowledging how ignorant I sounded and how wrong I was.
I was having dinner with my newfound friend/colleague last week in the heart of West Hollywood. It was a warm night, and I ordered a glass of white wine. It was Monday night, and the only reason it has taken me so long to write about it is because I got ill that night with some sort of flu-bug, then hives for 3 days, and today was the first day I felt better. Ok, so back to my story. My friend is a doctor. She is also transgendered. She has a practice a block away from mine and she provides medical care for transgendered individuals. She is obviously (or not maybe to all) a M2F, or Male to Female, and identifies not only as a female but as a lesbian. This is key when dealing with people. Acknowledge and accept their gender. Well, I was buzzing, and then I found out she plays drums! Well, my rock band always said we wanted a "Trannie Drummer," we blatantly wanted Hedwig or someone as fabulous as Hedwig, and once we even advertised that: "We require un drummer. Are you he? she? a he/she?" OK. That ad was politically incorrect on a lot of levels, I mean the use of "un," a Spanish word, mid sentence is rude, and then a he/she? how insensitive. who is going to respond, "Hi, I am he/she, and I play drums?" Naturally, that's what we wanted, were dying for, searching for, being glam fans of the likes of David Bowie, Iggy Pop and movies like the Velvet Goldmine. We dreamed of that person. But, in this day and age homophobia is so great that although slightly unrelated, are people truly going to admit they are in between two sexes? People want to be associated with one gender or the other. This is why people transition. So, I really offended my friend by saying "Oh my god, we've always wanted a tranny drummer." Bam. Foot in mouth. Naturally and thankfully she corrected me. She is not a drag queen, nor just a cross-dresser, she is just what she is, and don't you ever forget it. So I learned a valuable lesson. Not all transgendered individuals can nor want to exist in "trans"it. Mind you, I lived in San Francisco in the 90's, prior to the mainstreaming of sex reassignment surgery, when most people had to, without choice, exist in the "trans." But, it is also highly accepted in San Francisco to be in the "trans". There are butch women (seriously butch with beards, strapped down breasts and -on dildo's) all over the place, who do not opt for the surgery. There are drag queens and kings and and there is a large scene for them. Most do not opt for the surgery, they do not have to for there is a world for them where they belong. This is NOT the case here in Los Angeles, out in the real world I guess, and I am sadened for my professional, hard-working friends who feel they can only gain acceptance by going all the way. I've never been one to go all the way.
So, as I help the African American and Latino prostitutes dressed in drag on Santa Monica Blvd get off the streets, get off the needles, and get into homes, I am all of a sudden awakened to difference of class. Would these kids still be drag queens if given the opportunity to have the surgery?
As I walk down the street late at night in West Hollywood past the drag shows, with my gal pal who loves "trannies," I am reminded that these are drag queens, they are performers, female impersonaters, and theatrical workers. They are sex workers. And possibly, they would be out of work. And they are those who can because of their profession perhaps, exist in the "trans", a demi-monde or underworld of living in between.
And not everyone is like that.
I was having dinner with my newfound friend/colleague last week in the heart of West Hollywood. It was a warm night, and I ordered a glass of white wine. It was Monday night, and the only reason it has taken me so long to write about it is because I got ill that night with some sort of flu-bug, then hives for 3 days, and today was the first day I felt better. Ok, so back to my story. My friend is a doctor. She is also transgendered. She has a practice a block away from mine and she provides medical care for transgendered individuals. She is obviously (or not maybe to all) a M2F, or Male to Female, and identifies not only as a female but as a lesbian. This is key when dealing with people. Acknowledge and accept their gender. Well, I was buzzing, and then I found out she plays drums! Well, my rock band always said we wanted a "Trannie Drummer," we blatantly wanted Hedwig or someone as fabulous as Hedwig, and once we even advertised that: "We require un drummer. Are you he? she? a he/she?" OK. That ad was politically incorrect on a lot of levels, I mean the use of "un," a Spanish word, mid sentence is rude, and then a he/she? how insensitive. who is going to respond, "Hi, I am he/she, and I play drums?" Naturally, that's what we wanted, were dying for, searching for, being glam fans of the likes of David Bowie, Iggy Pop and movies like the Velvet Goldmine. We dreamed of that person. But, in this day and age homophobia is so great that although slightly unrelated, are people truly going to admit they are in between two sexes? People want to be associated with one gender or the other. This is why people transition. So, I really offended my friend by saying "Oh my god, we've always wanted a tranny drummer." Bam. Foot in mouth. Naturally and thankfully she corrected me. She is not a drag queen, nor just a cross-dresser, she is just what she is, and don't you ever forget it. So I learned a valuable lesson. Not all transgendered individuals can nor want to exist in "trans"it. Mind you, I lived in San Francisco in the 90's, prior to the mainstreaming of sex reassignment surgery, when most people had to, without choice, exist in the "trans." But, it is also highly accepted in San Francisco to be in the "trans". There are butch women (seriously butch with beards, strapped down breasts and -on dildo's) all over the place, who do not opt for the surgery. There are drag queens and kings and and there is a large scene for them. Most do not opt for the surgery, they do not have to for there is a world for them where they belong. This is NOT the case here in Los Angeles, out in the real world I guess, and I am sadened for my professional, hard-working friends who feel they can only gain acceptance by going all the way. I've never been one to go all the way.
So, as I help the African American and Latino prostitutes dressed in drag on Santa Monica Blvd get off the streets, get off the needles, and get into homes, I am all of a sudden awakened to difference of class. Would these kids still be drag queens if given the opportunity to have the surgery?
As I walk down the street late at night in West Hollywood past the drag shows, with my gal pal who loves "trannies," I am reminded that these are drag queens, they are performers, female impersonaters, and theatrical workers. They are sex workers. And possibly, they would be out of work. And they are those who can because of their profession perhaps, exist in the "trans", a demi-monde or underworld of living in between.
And not everyone is like that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)