deference

I saw a movie yesterday where a man, who had left his family 20 years prior comes back when one of the grandchildren invites him to his bar mitzvah (yeah, its a cheesy feel good family movie that i got sucked into as i sometimes do- you might know it). So he comes back 20 years later with his now young, hippie girlfriend, and of course his kids are pissed at him for being gone so long, for not being there during their important years, for showing up with this girlfriend that is their age, for abandoning their mom etc... as they should be, but mom and dad are happy to see one another, are happy because they did once share a bond. Sure, mom struggled during those years when he left, he was gone, but in the movie she acknowledges that dad's leaving had something to do with her too. The kids of course are still mad, and I'm not saying that he should've stayed or left, he did what he felt he had to do and now he has to pay the price for abandoning his children. And children are self-absorbed as they are often taught to be, because often parent's will defer their feelings and well-being for their children who end up having to guess about their parent's real feelings, history and identity which exist outside of the children. complex and complicated indeed. My point being is that often times the parent who leaves is the one who is blamed because the parent who stays with the children have all the power over the children, just as they perhaps did over the relationship and leaving was the only option for the leaver, the parent has 100% of the child's attention and is able to paint the leaver to their perspective, and the leaver cannot defend him/herself. All I am saying is that it is a nice, and rare gesture when the parent who is left behind with the burden of raising the children, of being dumped and abandoned, and of the truth of their relationship, defers to honesty instead of hate, anger, and blame.

Get the balance right.....

Recently, within the last year, my good friend said to me, "it's all about balance." It's so obvious, and I know it, strive for it, but nonetheless it kind of struck me.

By day I am a non-profit, direct service, mental health slave, though I have to say it's better for me, than being a corporate slave which is basically a glorified paper pusher or professional shoe salesman. By night I am a an artist, writer, musician, creator. I would one day like to swap the two but now need both, in that order. Balance.

I live with my lover, the same person, a yummy and delicious soul who always smells and looks good, going on 11 years. We do not have a house, don't own any property, no children like most people assume you should after being together for so long. Nope. We have not accumulated a lot of stuff. (thank god. and all in good time.) and although much to my parent's and some friends dismay, because they assume we should be keeping up with the Joneses, but in our small apartment smack in the center of the city, let me tell you tha we get to still enjoy life to the fullest with little worry. We both have cars and a lot of freedom. a lot of peace of mind and space to do what we feel is right. And jobs. Though, we'd NEVER go back to corporate ever. But, you know a basic work ethic, so despite complaining about going to work everyday, which we only do occasionally, and the inability to take off whenever we please which we take off enough anyway, we do it, we go to work, BUT never too much nor too hard, and it affords us the lifestyle and ability to enjoy the other 128 hours in the week. Damn, I'm jealous of my own self. There are things I want, but there is nothing I need. Except to continue being true to myself. And enjoy the life we are living.