is it truly fickle when you know what you want?

the title speaks for itself. i have excess skin, kinda like baggage, metaphorically speaking, not literally. And, I know when this extra-ness is cumbersome. I know what I want. I know what I need, and I know when it no longer fits, so I expel. Does that make me fickle? Some would say yes. But fickle to me is someone who does not know what he/she wants, someone who is looking for something better, or maybe someone who is searching for the right fit? Is being fickle and knowing what you "don't want" two sides of the same coin? What's the difference between knowing what you don't want and not knowing what you want? What if you know what you want but you also know it is going to be hard hard hard to find? Do you then settle, compromise? And then, you see that maybe you have a good thing, but it's not perfect, do you turn a blind eye? And for how long? Do you try to change it? or do you simply walk away? Sometimes having a partial of a whole is better than nothing at all, or is it?

To play in a band, play music, has always been my expression of art, and for 15 years something of a struggle, because sometimes you have to find the "right" members, people who have the same vision, passion and drive to complete the drawing. Even when I was in a successful band, one that played out regularly, and recorded several albums, there was always an element of compromise, because there were several different visions, passions and drives, which ultimately broke the band apart. So, it can work, even without the "right" members. BUT, everyone needs to be happy for longevity. And, people were not happy. Everyone quit at sometime or other. Does that make us fickle? Or were we each individually searching for the truth, and our own way? Tired of compromise?

The same thought happens now. I am always playing music and sometimes this has to happen with other people. new people. on again. off again. People with different visions, different ideas, passions, etc... The thing is now, I don't have the patience I once had and I now have a direction that I no longer am willing to compromise, that I now want and feel the need to follow. And NOW I have standards in the people I play with: having their shit together, money (not talking rich here, but can cover their share), transportation, mental stability, patience, and focus. And i wonder do I fight the feeling that these people are going to hold me back with their ideas that don't always fall into my oric field? Especially when they are extremely talented with creativity and style. The mentality is easily that together we can create something greater than alone, if we collaborate, life is about collaboration, indeed, but sometimes I think I gotta do this alone. Is that fickle? I can't decide.