the price of religion

i know too many people who were raised by the beatings of some religion. just shut up and observe, i keep telling myself. but, i cannot get over the blind faith. i'm a lot ignorant though, because I know nothing about Jesus, Mohammed, or the Messiahs. My family is Hindu, and though they are rather religious, it was never forced upon us. I'm a sorry Hindu. But much of Hinduism is based on mythology. Not real persons. Well, the mythical characters were based on real entities at some point I guess. But i still cannot get over the blind faith- particularly in the area of shunning human sexuality. why is sex and sexuality seen as taboo? something only to be done within the sacrament of marriage or a committed relationship. It's 2007 and I think we should be so far ahead in the future, we live on the west coast right? but I still have girlfriends who call themselves sluts because they fulfill their sexual desires with people they know they'd never spend the rest of their lives with. or sleep with bras on at night for fear of them sagging in old age. come on ladies. it is not 1950, or so i thought. Let your sex free. Let your boobs free. I gotta go to work now. I'll continue this tirade later.

the path

I don't even try to argue anymore when I hear shallow (by shallow I mean it's usually vain, arrogant, meaningless) statements people make about themselves that are either 1) fishing for compliments or 2) meant to put other people down by making themselves look better, where I would once listen and try to understand their words, address their passive aggression by responding, once in a while counteract with something rude, or brush it under the rug. Now, I look at the person and I think to myself "No way are we going down this path again." I don't respond and I leave that person alone. Possibly for good. I don't want that energy in my life anymore. Los Angeles. California. Any big city in America. It won't change when I am in SF, or NYC. People wanna know people, appear cool, perhaps they are searching for thier identity, I am not sure, what I do know is that people are so disconnected from what is important, and so blind-sided by the american dream whether it be the idealized lifestyle of fame (yes rockstardom is included here) or image (um...being thin, or tattooed or pierced because it's cool and supposedly sets you apart not because it's representative of them though really) or status (owning property, having the nice car, basically being rich) that people forget who they themselves truly are, and what they stand for.

Veganism- Here is an example of something I am doing because of my political beliefs, and yes, people think I am doing it because of my health, because I am trying to lose weight or something. No honey, in India we are brought up to be kind to animals. What our country is doing to turn a profit: the meat industry is really disgusting. It's a hard road for me esp because I love leather boots & leather jackets. Not because I like meat, in fact I rarely eat pork, or beef. Chicken is the one thing I do eat, and I can substitute it with beans, and tofu. Still its hard. I already avoid cheese and eggs. Still its hard and it really gets frustrating when people tell me, "beans don't really have a lot of protein," or "i love meat, what would I do without meat?" Seriously? I am disgusted by the meat industry and your loving meat is disgusting to me, not to mention protein? Seriously? Protein can be gleaned from leafy veggies. get a clue.

Kundalini Yoga-I like to meditate. It helps me stay in touch with my values, and beliefs. Once again people think I do it for weight loss or something. Please don't compare kundalini to your kick boxing class. Quite a different phenomenon. There is nothing aerobic about Yoga (unless you do Bikram) and America is so obsessed with weight loss that they forget that being in a comfortable happy mental place cures most ailments including over-eating.

Maybe its my age. I'll be 35 in a month. At 26 I was wild, I was a transient, moving around, getting high, I made no money, I played in a reggae band, and I was traveling aound Egypt. The 26 year olds I know are career driven. It's a very different place I am at now watching what is very traditional to me. So, when I get advice from these traditional minded people, who by the way remind me of my mother and have no idea about my experience nor the bravado to live that life, who on top of reminding me of my mother are almost ten years younger than me, I feel irked and resentful. And tired. I am tired of educating, placating people's arrogance and fighting all the time for what I believe to be true and real, so sometimes it's just easier to shut up and walk away.

Trannie Faux Pais

Ok, I am about to admit a little ignorant statement I made the other day. Then, I will defend my reasons, but all the while acknowledging how ignorant I sounded and how wrong I was.

I was having dinner with my newfound friend/colleague last week in the heart of West Hollywood. It was a warm night, and I ordered a glass of white wine. It was Monday night, and the only reason it has taken me so long to write about it is because I got ill that night with some sort of flu-bug, then hives for 3 days, and today was the first day I felt better. Ok, so back to my story. My friend is a doctor. She is also transgendered. She has a practice a block away from mine and she provides medical care for transgendered individuals. She is obviously (or not maybe to all) a M2F, or Male to Female, and identifies not only as a female but as a lesbian. This is key when dealing with people. Acknowledge and accept their gender. Well, I was buzzing, and then I found out she plays drums! Well, my rock band always said we wanted a "Trannie Drummer," we blatantly wanted Hedwig or someone as fabulous as Hedwig, and once we even advertised that: "We require un drummer. Are you he? she? a he/she?" OK. That ad was politically incorrect on a lot of levels, I mean the use of "un," a Spanish word, mid sentence is rude, and then a he/she? how insensitive. who is going to respond, "Hi, I am he/she, and I play drums?" Naturally, that's what we wanted, were dying for, searching for, being glam fans of the likes of David Bowie, Iggy Pop and movies like the Velvet Goldmine. We dreamed of that person. But, in this day and age homophobia is so great that although slightly unrelated, are people truly going to admit they are in between two sexes? People want to be associated with one gender or the other. This is why people transition. So, I really offended my friend by saying "Oh my god, we've always wanted a tranny drummer." Bam. Foot in mouth. Naturally and thankfully she corrected me. She is not a drag queen, nor just a cross-dresser, she is just what she is, and don't you ever forget it. So I learned a valuable lesson. Not all transgendered individuals can nor want to exist in "trans"it. Mind you, I lived in San Francisco in the 90's, prior to the mainstreaming of sex reassignment surgery, when most people had to, without choice, exist in the "trans." But, it is also highly accepted in San Francisco to be in the "trans". There are butch women (seriously butch with beards, strapped down breasts and -on dildo's) all over the place, who do not opt for the surgery. There are drag queens and kings and and there is a large scene for them. Most do not opt for the surgery, they do not have to for there is a world for them where they belong. This is NOT the case here in Los Angeles, out in the real world I guess, and I am sadened for my professional, hard-working friends who feel they can only gain acceptance by going all the way. I've never been one to go all the way.

So, as I help the African American and Latino prostitutes dressed in drag on Santa Monica Blvd get off the streets, get off the needles, and get into homes, I am all of a sudden awakened to difference of class. Would these kids still be drag queens if given the opportunity to have the surgery?

As I walk down the street late at night in West Hollywood past the drag shows, with my gal pal who loves "trannies," I am reminded that these are drag queens, they are performers, female impersonaters, and theatrical workers. They are sex workers. And possibly, they would be out of work. And they are those who can because of their profession perhaps, exist in the "trans", a demi-monde or underworld of living in between.

And not everyone is like that.

Sex and Violence

In Ireland until as recently as 1996, they had what were called the Magdalena Asylums, where women were sent, separated from society for things like having babies out of wedlock, and flirting with boys. At the asylum they were stripped of all belongings, money, integrity, and treated like whores. They were forced to do laundry and humiliated by catholic nuns. They were beaten when they broke the rules. They were beaten for having sexual thoughts. They were taught that things like sexuality, and suicide were immoral. Of course the women who worked there-the nuns- followed and believed these rules almost blindly.

I am frustrated by this sex and violence mindset. why is sex not ok, and violence ok? why is it ok to beat, demoralize, and physically harm one another, but love one another openly such a demoralizing crime? what is the western religions reasoning for feeling that sex is such a crime? And only aloud within marriage? What is this designed to control? Create order among chaos? And marriage? what is marriage designed to control? our natural tendency towards being poly-amorous?

The violent mindset prevails still today in this country (military state). And sexuality still several steps in the dark. Children are forbidden to watch sexual scenes on TV, yet allowed to watch violence on network prime time tv. Sex on TV is saved for the late night hours, when the kids are asleep and it's way past dark. Thus promoting sex as something that must occur in the darkest most recesses of our day.

Homophobia, ALIVE and WELL

Last night my best friend and I had dinner. Unfortunately she lives in a different city, on a different coast, than I do, and we get together now maybe 3 or 4 times a year, if we're lucky. But there was a time, in our youth, in our past when we got to spend a lot of time together, growing, learning about our own identity, and the diversity that life has to offer. We were both fortunate enough to come of age together in this way in a city blessed with diversity. And now that we're separated, because we're also both blessed with the explorer-gene, can't sit still, and couldn't stay in that small liberal city, when I see her I am reminded of how often I forget how much homophobia we really have to swallow on a daily basis, out here in the real world.

Growing up in middle and working class neighborhoods of northern California, we were both, like most, exposed to extreme traditional views: get an education, get married, have children. And everything else that goes along with it, buy a house, work a 9 to 5, be a hard working mule doing an honorable job, and once married of course, stay together at whatever the cost. Both of our parents are still married. This is a simplified version of the truth, obviously, as I am short on time, as usual, but basically we were spoon fed this conservstive mind-set, which many people eat up and never question. Luckily for us, somehow, we got out.

We were freed from Suburbia, and let loose into the wild jungle, where we were educated on things like Racism, Sexism and Homophobia, and then some. We were taught to think outside of the tiny box we were expected to fit into. We were allowed to have thoughts different from the norm, individual thought. For me this was a life changing period in my life putting everything into my life into perspective. Making everything in my life a matter of politics. And changing my path for the rest of my life.

Today, although I live in this big city of Los Angeles, I am aware of the repression around me, and in this country. We are moving slowly forward on things like Racism and Sexism. Today in America there are several Black channels, and in Los Angeles there are Latino channels, Korean, Philipino, Arabic and Indian channels. We are becoming more and more aware of races, different cultures. We are also learning to appreciate more and more women in the workforce, making a living, yet still expected to raise children. We are exposed to more gay lifestyles on TV. Yes. BUT, I still meet everyday homophobic people. And as my best friend pointed out, it's now politically incorrect to say racist remarks. People in this country are now, increasingly, VERY CAREFUL about saying anything racist, or prejudice based on color at least in the presence of someone of color or a different culture. HOWEVER, this do not hold true regarding HOMOPHOBIA. It is, it seems, increasingly so perhaps even, socially accepted, if not EXPECTED to be homophobic. People are revered and respected when they reveal their homophobic views. People are applauded when the talk negatively about gays. It is socially appreciated to be homophobic. People of all races, people who have experienced racism, sexism, prejudice based on weight, height, disability or other are homophobic. We are expected to stand up against racism, but there is something inherently wrong with us if we take a stand against homphobia. Gay or not. What people fail to recognize is that as long as we are homophobic, or prejudice to anyone regarding anything that has to do with human variation then racism, sexism, or prejudice towards differences will continue to exist.

There was a study. About homophobia. The long of the short basically, the results: The ones that tended to be homophobic are the ones who were more turned on by homosexual stimuli. How's that for you America? By being homophobic and by preaching heterosexuality, you are really just telling on yourself, that you are afraid of your own feelings towards the same sex. Proving thus that HOMOSEXUALITY is a NATURAL phenomenon of human nature. That so many more people than are ready to admit to it are out there hiding it, lying about it, defacing it and living their life in the shadows of the bible, tradition and society. AFRAID to admit, and worse covering up their feelings by DISCRIMINATING those who are openly gay. Sad. Sad. Sad people indeed.

For this reason, I have dedicated my life to the promotion of ALL things having to do with sexuality. I strongly believe that at the core of discrimination are these gender defined roles and societal expectations, roles, rules and expectations who's boundaries cross all ethnicities and all cultures. The only thing that can cure world discrimination and prejudice has a little something to do with color, but has everything to do with our gender roles. And at the core of these roles you will find sexuality and the lack of openness to variations in sexuality is the cause of a lot of world pain.

Violence, and the state of the nation today. Parents don't talk to their children about sex. Parents turn the TV off during sex scenes, but sit with their children while watching COPS or some gory film like Blade. The message: Violence is ok. Sexuality is taboo. And, as my friend says, violence is ok, as America prepares its young boys for war. Yes. To join the military, The Military. Our country has become a military state. A violent military nation, who turns a blind eye when violence rears its ugly head and turns its back on education. Parents: talk to your kids about sex. Don't be afraid.

An Issue of Gender

A little addendum to the transgender info printed in an earlier blog. The information was taked from Dr. Ava Cadell's newsletter, an esteemed Sexologist in the field of sex therapy, sex education and sex work. I did want to clarify that there are different spellings. In her article she spells Transsexual with 2 "s"s. This actually refers to the Psychiatric field, and their spelling. The other spelling is Transexual, with 1 "s" which is a new and improved spelling by the Trans community itself in an attemp to "divorce the word from the realm of psychiatry and medicine and place it in the realm of identity." (wikipedia, 2006).

Also the word Transgender is almost a better word to use, as it subtracts sex and sexuality from the occasion and makes it an issue of Gender, not sex. Not to mention it includes others such as Crossdressers, dragkings/queens and the gender queer. So, it is more of an umbrella, all inclusive, politically correct term.

The Irony of Hetero-Phobia

I've seen it too many times before, and now I see it on TV. Hetero-phobia. It's a good thing that it is on TV, because the reality is that it does exist. TV is only portraying reality, but as real as it is, it is still ugly, and backwards. And makes me wanna cringe. Homosexuality, Gay, Lesbian, Bi-Sexual, Queer, Trans lifestyles are alternatives lifestyles, yes, still. The underdog, but the liberated underdog. Supposedly. The lifestyle the shirks the bible and tradition, and traditional roles for women and men, and in so many ways is such a brave lifestyle. Because there is still so much homophobia. Same-sexed couples cannot walk down the street holding hands, without there always being the fear of backlash, of hate. We all know this too well. But yet when straight people, whom we automatically expect to be homophobic, come in the presence of a homosexual individual whom we automatically expect to be more accepting and kinder because of being supposedly liberated, it's like this phenomenon of human nature occurs, the liberated nature of the homosexual person disappears, this person feels compelled to remind the hetero of the phobia they the homo has experienced, and an urge to blatantly flail and promote the alternative lifestyle, reminding the straight person of the liberation they are missing. It's true, in many ways the homosexual experiences a lot of the freedoms the heteros cannot, freedom from society's rules, whereas the hetero has freedoms the homosexual does not, marriage, walking down the street holding hands without the fear of fear. The heterosexual does not need to flaunt the freedom that everyone knows is theirs, whereas the homosexual has so much joy he/she wants to share with the rest of the world, but it comes across as hetero-phobia.

When in reality:
where is the liberation in the hetero-phobia?

The homosexual has had to learn to live with discrimination. Discrimination is suffering, depleting self esteem, the ego takes over and lashes out: hetero-phobia. Anger at the hetero-sexual world, where most homosexuals feel many heterosexuals are living a lie. If they would just come out, homophobia would slowly become erased. Eradicated into the past. Slowly. But, I am here to remind that hetero-phobia is not necesarily the answer. Befriend the opponent, join forces and unite, forget your self esteem, your ego and educate don't eliminate. That's my 2 cents for the day.